A message my friend sent this morning to the girl I haven’t been able to get over
(Girl) I dont know if you know who I am or not but I am anders friend. And look im not here to make you feel bad or anything or try and guilt trip you but fill you in on the story of anders that you missed out. But first things first you probably already know that anders liked and well I couldnt imagine how difficult for you it would have been to try and maintain a friendship while trying not to hurt someone, its not easy and that shows who you are as humanbeing. But In saying thag I feel its important that you see things from anders views and consider how it felt for him to see one of the people he cared the most for in his life fade away because of distance. Personally after four years of study and working as a public servant I realised quickly that people are selfish, that people make choices for themselves and on that basis if someone wants you there they will keep you there regardless of the geographic position or contextual circumstances, and if they dont its because they dont need you or value you anymore…. and as negative as that sounds ive tried to preach that to anders with little success because he thoroughly believes in hope, he belives someone can come around regardless of the rational actions demonstrated by someone showing they dont. Look when I was talking anders when he was in singapore I have to say he saw some fucked up shit, shit that I wish no one would have to see, he felt pain beyond comprehension because no one would talk to him not even his family, and he saw friends disappear who he thought would always stick around. Even though I talked to anders when he was over there he never showed me how sad he was even though I could see it in his eyes. When anders came back I knew apart of him had died, and It wasnt hard to tell… I saw him cry on my lap because he had a post traumatic stress breakdown… it was the scariest thing I had ever seen, to see someone cry so much that they cant breath, see someone hate their memories soo much that they smash their head on the ground and scartch at their eyes soo they stop seeing the nightmares they felt at that moment. Its the most terrible thing I had ever seen, to see my friend anders and know how dead he felt inside. Anders told me he would go to the roof of his firestation and stand on the edge thinking about killing himself because no one talked to him not even his family, he told me he gave up on life when he was in singapore. I guess why im telling you this sophia is because even though he have up on life he never gave up on you and I know it because he would smile soo much as he recalled all his old memories with you, even now as you guys are probably not on the best of terms he still hopes to know you’ll say you miss him and be the girl he knew from before he left. And even though he may delete you on facebook and instagram and all that social media garbage I know he still wants you there, that he just wants to be your friend because he cant forget that girl that helped him at one of the worst times in his life. But I know this will never happen and please for anders sake, and I beg you just tell him you hate him, because all the hope he has for you is burning him from the inside out and I can see it…. if you feel you dont want to talk to him or you dont want him in your life then its your personal choice but please if you care about him tell him you hate him to help him move on. Hope is killing him and it hurts me to see him die a bit more each day believing things between you and him can go back to the way they were.
How can you miss somebody when their literally less than half an hour away and for them to say they miss you too yet countless times you’ve tried to see her no it’s bullshit you don’t miss me it’s just words to you